I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
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