I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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