if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Randomize