I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
Randomize
