I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Randomize
