My nipple is on Facebook.
Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
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