Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
