then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
fuck your aforementioned shoe
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
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