I just saw a hot homeless man
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
