You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
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