Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Randomize
