it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
