Jerry, you need to find god
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
