AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
I wish life had little blips of pornography
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
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