I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
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