12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
My balls are so social today.
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
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