I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
