I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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