I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
