I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
