I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Randomize
