I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
so let's talk penis.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Randomize
