dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
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