I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Randomize
