He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
