oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
Fuck appropriateness.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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