Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
