You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
I wear drunk well.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
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