he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
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