Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
so that wasnt chicken after all
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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