One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
