The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
