I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Randomize
