so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize