i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
