my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Randomize
