I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
