if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
