Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
