So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
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