Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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