no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Randomize
