When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
i think my cat just said my name.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
Im part way to drunk.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Randomize
