Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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