Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
