capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
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