probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
