But i just feel like he will pull it out and ill panic. I mean its fairly basic. Up and down. But i feel like ill just freak out.
also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
