goodnight i made you a song goodbye
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Randomize
