Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
