I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Randomize
