life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
should my penis look like a turkey
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Randomize
