Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
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