in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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