Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
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