There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
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