yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize
