I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
