Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Randomize
