maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
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