When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Randomize
