3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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