i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
There r osticjed everywhere
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Vodka?
Forever.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
