I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
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