I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
The best walk of shames are on the highway
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