im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Randomize
