if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
