OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
