The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
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