So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
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