as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
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