dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Randomize
