Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
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