when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Randomize
