Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Randomize
