I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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