If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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