You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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