I think I just saw someone hide a body.
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Randomize
