my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
