he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
I'm getting married
To pizza
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Randomize
