I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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