got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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