allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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