Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
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