My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
