I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
