i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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