I was born with a shot glass in my hand
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
Randomize
