I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
I just found puke in my bra..
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
I am mentally ready for anal.
Randomize
