It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
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