I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
