Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Randomize
