porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Randomize
