I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
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