Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
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