Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
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