Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
