she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Randomize
