I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
