Define "chronic" masturbator.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
